widt: 8

HOO BOY do I have an update

the college year has officially ended. I didn’t do terribly great… motivation, focus, and controlling parent issues. not happy with that. not happy in general, but heyy.. I’m still readjusting, which is why I’ve gone so long without an update. oops! not that it matters, anyways.

going to be talking to my doctor in a few days about that rampant demotivation and genuinely self-destructive depression, so hopefully like. something comes out of it. who knows!

gender

I’ve figured out my gender and I’m going to transition, like the true epic gamer I am inside.

(my gender is epic gamer. im going to be taking hrt (Higher Render Throughput) so i can gamer)

art

art!

comic

I’ve been drawing these stupid comics this last week and I love them so much

normal art

I’ll note here that I’ve posted these drawings to my tumblr and bluesky pages. (the comics, as of right now, have only been posted to tumblr)

tumblr

I’ve been posting this stuff to tumblr, and I’ve gotten shockingly good reception to it I think (specifically the not-comic stuff lol). geniunely wasn’t expecting anything, I thought the drawings were kinda okay tbh. maybe I have a niche. should I care?

I got my first ask!

an ask, saying: Underated Artist

I responded with this drawing:

thennnn I got my second ask!

an ask, saying: hey question, are you okay with people drawing nsfw of your ocs?

lmfao.

after some thought, I don’t really mind anyone drawing my oc’s pornographically, even my sona.

tangent (1)

you know, having this blog to spout out stuff like this is really freeing, since no one is probably reading this. I’m screaming into the void, and I hear nothing echo back, and on one hand it’s kinda lonely, and there’s a sense of, ‘what even is the point of doing this?’. on the other hand, I don’t have to worry about any of my friends reading stuff I would otherwise rather not have out to them at the moment. is it stupid to be uploading this all, then, to the fucking internet? yes. I guess it isn’t for the privacy… more so for the entropy. probably? this is stuff that I think is good to have out there, anyways. good for me to vent in some way, and good for transparency or something. makes things feel more human in a faceless world.

to that end, I’ll note that I have drawn nsfw, just not digitally. probably not going to share anything any time soon.

(god, it’d be so funny if I found a screenshot of this text in my group chat lmfao)

related, I’m starting to gain a small following on tumblr and bluesky from my art. if that rate keeps up, I’ll probably have less void to scream into, at least in those spaces. idk how I’d cope with that. this entire website will probably be left untouched for, a long time at least. is this a blog, or just a public diary? some eldritch mix of both? how would my writing change the event that this gets read?

are you seriously reading this? why?

tangent (2)

I sent the following joke story to maia, because

  1. I thought it was funny
  2. maia appeared in my dashboard around a minute before I decided to send it to someone random on tumblr, and I thought that it would appreciate the joke

So people once were calling me a terf, persecuting me just because I held some different opinion. After taking a break from social media, I’ve did some thinking, and I’ve came to accept this label as a part of who I am. I identify, inside and out, within the fibers if my soul, as a terf, and anyone who objects to this is being criticalphobic. After a while though, being so enshrined with terfness started exposing to me the many issues and hypocrisies terfs have, which I started rejecting. I just remembered I left my pizza in the oven, its burning uh

Eventually I realized that by rejecting trans people from society, I was arbitrarily drawing a line between what a person participating in society could be, completely discounting all the possible ways our biology I’ve so long revered could betray the labels our ancestors placed on ourselves. I stopped excluding trans people and started exclusively rejecting normal feminists, making me a ferf, until I walked outside and accidently talked to a guy and found they were normal. With no one familiar to belong to, I gave in and joined feminists and became a rfet.

Anyways do you want to hear about the time I almost drowned in a public water fountain

it posted my ramble here

well. I think maia understands, but I’m super confused about everything. lol. my god.

looks like most people have misinterpreted the story as real. which, is a failure on my part, because the joke isn’t working the way I wanted it to - they aren’t laughing with the joke, they’re laughing at it. at least they’re laughing…

it does lead to a absolutely ridiculously messy mix of interpretations in the replies though, to the point that its almost a meta joke of its own. not really sure what to do about it.

the story is entirely a joke, but some parts are a bit personally connected to me. most trivially, a pizza was burning at the moment I was pasting the story, and I did almost drown in a public water fountain once. don’t ask. otherwise, there was a short while before I came out to my friends as (vaguely) trans, where I was being sucked into the radfem pipeline. it was only a moment… and a reaction to my own transness that I had been trying to come to terms with for a while before then. obviously(?) I’ve gotten out of it now. the story was kinda a poke at that, and how terfs seem to express many of the same discomforts with gender as actual trans people (hence the ‘rfet’ joke at the end. rfet = Radical Feminist Exclusionary Transgender), and at how terfs are chronically online. otherwise, the story is fiction. I’m lucky to have had never genuinely ingrained any radfem ideas.

ardent shot

(main article)

finished stage 2 + red’s boss fight! now on to balancing and such.

I created a discord server, if any wanderers are interested in playtesting. bullet hell!

rase

going to be putting more time on that project too. I’m hoping to get the other programmers to start working on stuff, but everyone seems either lost or distracted. bit of a shame.

music

my album was approved for spotify!

website

adding a bunch of little goodies in this site. ardency has a page with a lot of planned stuff, like a lore/character wiki and hopefully other things when I get around to it! nullstars also has a page. both have blogs.